How To Un-Plan A Wedding
Updated: Jan 6
We are living in an unpredictable world right now due to the worldwide pandemic. What happens if you find yourself in the position of having to postpone the wedding you've spent months of your life planning? We will walk you through the steps to "unplanning" your wedding, from communicating with vendors to letting your guests know the new plan.
*Below is the automated transcript of the above video
Hey, I'm Brock with Brock Entertainment. And Amanda with Amanda Reed Weddings. And this is the IDOIQ Podcast, where each and every week we're gonna be discussing the latest in wedding and event trends. And we're going to let you know all the things that you need to know in order to make your event the most special. And in the end you will have the best wedding and event experience ever. And something tells me we're going to have a little fun along the way. I don't know about that. I'm a pretty serious guy, man. And this is a serious topic. So only seriousness seriousness, this is the IQ IQ podcast. Let's begin. Welcome to the IDOIQ podcast with Brock and Amanda. Yes, this is actually our first real episode. The first episode was an introduction about what this podcast is all about this, we're actually diving into it getting in there, let's say and we're gonna be I mean, we are living in crazy times. Right now we actually in our industry, and we're gonna get into that in just a moment we're titling this episode how to unplanned a wedding which is weird to talk about. Yeah, it's kind of breaking I'm a little I'm still like really mourning this honestly. Yeah, I'm still not wrap my brain fully. Well, what the rest of the year is gonna look like either. But before we get into that, yeah, I want to know what are you into right now in the wedding industry. So we're gonna go Yeah, so my obsession my current obsession is the bridal pantsuit or the bridal jumper Yeah, what is that? It's not a dress, not a dress. It's a different look. So I had a girl a bridal Mowat. Yes, it's sobrado molot that's what it is. So had a girl a couple years ago really fun bride her initial dress there was it was damaged in the shipping process or something happened to it. Eventually it was fixed but she ended up kind of playing in the bridal shop in which they bought the dress form dress from this person happens to make passionate you know, she has a lot of pageant wear and things like that for girls. And so she had a lot of different options in the store to kind of play with custom sewing and started playing with the idea of this little jumper a little halter style, wide leg pant suit with like a side bustle kind of piece that was like a symmetrical like to the left and it worked out. So they use that for the first look. She changed they ended up getting the other dress fixed. So she changed dresses for this ceremony. So she surprised the groom after having had a first look surprised the groom walking down the aisle and this big fabulous dress that she had chosen that also had pockets and now you have that and then she changed back into the pantsuit for to the to the jumper rather romper for the reception. So she kind of got the most out of this particular right but I'm seeing a ton right now of like a blazer with like pants like it and still for a very formal affair seeing this really unique bridal look. I kind of think it's unique and different. Hmm, I guess I just have to see it. I got it. I don't know that everybody could get by with right. There's a lot of people who probably would look like they're trying too hard. But I think the right person who is a little fashion forward, maybe willing to take a few risks. I think it can be really interesting. Instead of carrying a bouquet do you carry a briefcase? I think that's a brilliant idea Why? Why briefcase, maybe a little floor top or you could cover the whole thing in floral. A lot of us might you might be onto something here. Oh yeah. I'm picturing this. Yeah, it could be a whole side business. We do. Yeah, it can be cool. Okay, so so jumpsuit, jumpsuit, jumpsuit, romper suit, laser kind of thing, whatever. Yeah, whatever you want to call, you need to post a picture of that. Okay, on our idi key, we'll make sure to get that social, for sure. I'll find some good images and send them over to you. Awesome. Okay, so my question to you okay, what music What song right now has got your heart racing? What do you enjoy? So in the wedding world of music, finding a good song in general, a new song is tough. Gotta be because people won't dance the songs they don't know. Yes. And if you're listening, you're like, I've always wondered why the DJ always plays the same music. Well, it's because if you play song people don't know. They'll sit down because they don't know it. Whether it's Yeah, by Usher. But when it first came out, people clear the dance floor because they'll know the song. Yeah, until they know what they're not going to get on the dance floor. I remember playing Party Rock Anthem when it first came out because I was working at a radio station. I'm like, Man, this is gonna be a killer song. Yeah, and it's like, the dance floor is gonna be packed. First time I played it. 200 people on the dance floor They all laughed. I'm like, Are you kidding me? I just read this song is awesome. Oh my god. Three weeks later biggest song in the country interested in just came out? Yeah. And that's when I knew you know? Yeah, you got to wait till everybody knows the song before you there now. Fair enough. So right now I pray every year that somebody comes out with a clean fast song that people are into. Yes. That gets you dancing. Yes. And is not a rap song. Right? Because we other people don't dance to rap. Right? So the like, Uptown Funk of the world and can't stop the fillings. Yes. got to have if only we could get songs like that every year. Yes. So that being said, right now, my favorite song is a slow song by john legend. Okay conversations in the dark. Okay, you know that song out now it can't play it right now because we don't have the copyright but give it a listen giggle it check it out and it is really good. Okay, it's just a slow song. It's about love and couples good first dance kind of. It's a great first song. Okay, yeah, it doesn't take that weird turn where you're like, oh, maybe that was a little bit. No, no, yeah, no, it's just a really good song about love and being in love and not about breaking up or have something because I know you've had some of those to where people pick this certain song and you're like, Oh, yeah. Or like everybody loves dancing to Tennessee whiskey. Yes. Not really in love song. Not really love song. Mom in a lot. A lot of songs that people like you like, listen to the lyrics. I think that's the image you want to put out there. Right? Yeah. And then there's a lot of those but yeah, conversations in the dark. I like that. JOHN legend. Okay. He has another song. I think it's called Good night. Yeah. It's about weddings. Okay. Well, it's not. I mean, it could be a good dance song. A lot of people won't dance. I usually play it as background music. Okay, right before the dancing starts. Okay, but it's all about weddings and how he's awesome. Now I really do. And I'm kind of obsessed with Chrissy Teagan too, to be honest. She's just so funny. Like, she cracks me up every time you know, social she posts but like, I'm kind of he's kind of he's kind of fantastic. I think he's seems like you know, obviously from the outside. I don't know him personally. Right. But he makes great, great love songs. He does especially like a good part about her. You like supporting people like, Yeah, I think that's cool. That's what I'm into. Right? I like that. Next week. It could be something else I will be and that's okay. All right. So I'm planning a wedding right now. In our world. We're sitting 10 feet apart. Yes, we are. Then we've been disinfecting everything. We have not touched each other. Literally. We have literally just wave at each other across the room. Everybody in this room. If you're worried about our safety, we have been quarantining and this is basically the first time we've been out we came to the studio, it's been sprayed down. There's four people in here. They're sitting at the back of the room, all specially essentially, just literally everything has been sprayed, and Amanda keeps spraying so I can't stop. So yeah, we like Lysol right now. But everything has been basically canceled for about two months, roughly. Yeah, pretty much have cleared the calendar for all of April and most of may still work. I've got a couple that are hanging on to their may date. And I understand why they just don't know reasons. But yeah, clear that calendar. We know we had think 11 weddings ish timeframe, and we're having to absorb those into the rest of the right, which is it's tough. It's tough when we when we got a very carefully crafted schedule, and we're you know, we don't have the luxury of being able to do three weddings in a weekend right? It's a little bit different scenario and you know, myself with to, quote unquote full time people who also take on weddings. And then another couple on top of that, that take weddings, I mean, it's you know, we're now looking at I think I think I was counting this morning, like 43 events in the remainder of the year. So for a while, June through, yeah, which is a lot of events, longer wedding planner, especially it is that's a lot of work. I will say that the grace that I have on that is though, that the three or four of mine that we had to postpone thus far, the work is almost completely finished, I'd say we're 90% finished. And I think those girls kind of want to breather from the wedding planning process, too. They want to just be like, Alright, we'll come back to it later. Yeah, you know, moving on. And you know, once we get back into normal life, I think we can kind of pick back up, but yeah, so when was your last wedding? February 15. Oh, 15. Mine was March 13. Yeah, Friday the 13th and entertain the crap hit the fan that next week? Yeah. And that's when everybody started quarantining and everybody like getting emails, what's your policy? What are you doing? And like, yes, we will reschedule if we have the date available. We'll do whatever we can to make it work for you. Yeah. And thankfully, most vendors have been pretty amazing about that. And I had one, March 21. And that is right. Right after this all started. Yeah. So we're wrapping up the final, the final final house working on seating chart, getting things sending it to the printer. Right. You know, the the days before? And literally, I mean, we had we made the call on Tuesday, we had to make I mean, she held off because she was like, I just is it as bad as I'm hearing? Is it as I'm scared? I don't know, I don't know. And then it goes from, you know, groups less than 200. And now groups less than 50. Now highly recommended, you know, less than 10. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, like okay, I you know, I'm going to support whatever decision you make. But here's what I know. Here's the information that I have. And based on that, here's what the vendors have said and here's here's where we are. So that one was the first to go. It actually wasn't the first to postpone, but it was the most most immediately affected by it. I guess. Yeah. We we had a wedding that Saturday. Was that the 21st? Yeah. And the guy was like we're doing it. It doesn't matter. We've cut it down to 50 people. Yeah. And he was suffering from an illness. Not really Related to this, but just a I think a terminal illness Oh, dear and wanted to have this wedding because he might not get to have it Gosh. And so that's why he made the call the day before because then they moved it to 10 people. Okay, he's like we just can't, we are going to reschedule, we'll let you know. Wow, that breaks my heart. Even even the people that were supposed to be there. He's like, well, social distance. He's like, I just want to do this. I want this to happen. Yeah. So I know, it's tough for him to have to postpone. But I know how difficult it's been for me. I know how difficult it's been for all the other vendors. I can only imagine how difficult it's been for these clients. Oh, yeah. You know, they're they've planned for this day. Some of these people have literally Pinterest did and had ideas and thoughts about what they wanted to stream database for years. And they waited till their perfect opportunity. And now it's all been like just wiped away. Yeah. So my heart is broken for these people. And it didn't really hit me until yesterday. I think yesterday was a rough day. For me. I've been great for about two weeks, dealing with all the things we're dealing with and all that and homeschooling my kids, which I'm not meant to be a third grade and or sixth grade teacher, I'll be honest, I love Love, love my children's teachers more than already more than more than words. But in the midst of dealing with all that and trying to disseminate what the right information is, it's coming because we're getting information daily. That changes, right. And depending on the news source, I mean, you're getting, you know, we've got all your Facebook news, which you know, we know what that's worth, right. But there is some validity to what we're seeing in So anyway, so I yesterday hit me pretty hard. I just was like, I'm kind of exhausted, I'm kind of exhausted. I've been worrying and thinking and praying and you know, just crying with these couples figuratively it finally hit me yesterday. And I was like, I want to crawl into a hole and not come out for a while. I think I slept better last night than I have in a long time because I just I just crashed because we we don't make any money unless we're doing events. Right. And this has hit our industry, you know, some of the hardest because all event venues have been shut down. You cannot hold an event. Yeah, yeah. When you can't have people there. So you wrote an article called How to unplan a wedding, how to plan a wedding and which is an amazing article. And it seems fitting that you would write this but now more than ever, when you're planning a wedding, should you hire a planner or not? I think right now everyone that has hired a planner is thanking God because you're having to not only plan their wedding, but now unplanned the wedding and do all the things that have Yeah, that's been difficult. You know, I've dealt with I'm planning a wedding before for a couple who's broken up. I've done that a few times. Not often. But I have had to, unfortunately unplanned a wedding before just basically unlike the tracks that have been laid but not reschedule it right, not reschedule it? No, it's been complete cancellation. What are we looking at? So that's a terrible experience, but at least there was kind of some finality to them. Right. And I don't know how to even put a positive spin on that. Because it's a couple breaking up. I don't I don't mean that in any way other than letter now. Exactly. So now these couples are looking at Okay, cool. So we postpone our April wedding until July. How do we know things are going to be cool in July? We postponed until August. How do I mean how do we we don't have a guarantee. And there is as of right now there is no insurance company on the planet that will offer any sort of event coverage. Oh, that will come close to covering something like this. I've heard a rumor that there is one that might actually some of the couples that already had this insurance might actually be okay, from but you can't get it right now. There's no chance. And what's so unfortunate about this is that these people are just having to kind of block I mean, and myself included blindly guess what's the best course of action? I mean, I you know, we don't know, information changes, like I said daily, and we just have to make the best choices we can based on what we know, I think that's why a couple of these couples are still holding on right now. They're a little they're far enough out that they're like, you know, we might be okay, let's give it let's give it another week or two, we want to give it a little bit more time and see if maybe things change, maybe if you know, and I can't say that's the right choice or the wrong choice. I just think it's the choice that they've made for themselves based on the information that they have. And I've done my very best to kind of counsel and guide them through this. And what does this look like if we if we postpone To this day, here's what we do. And we have to cancel outright. Here's where we are. It's been the one of the hardest things I've ever careerwise had to do. I will be very honest, it's been a really trying time for my entire team, you know, because I've got, you know, three other people dealing with these same exact issues for all of their clients. And on top of the morning that we're doing for them. We're having to kind of pick up these pieces and try to try to stay strong and happy and sunshine and roses the best we can and it's not easy, not easy. So what's the first step in I'm planning a wedding and not just in in in the time that we're living in right now. Crazy time but just in general, what would you say the first step is? So I think right now the narrative is I'm planning this wedding because of the current situation but there are other situations in which couples have had to unplanned right you know, someone's ill or someone is not able to attend Because of military responsibilities or death in the family or a breakup, whatever that reason is, I think you've got to start with, what's the reason here? You know, What's the reason? And I think that'll kind of give you one of two different directions. And we'll go through those scenarios. Okay, a breakup is a lot more straightforward. Of course, you just need to let the vendors know this is not happening. Not happening. What's our recourse? Yes. You know, you've paid this much at this point. They're not canceling or postponing the wedding because we just want to do it later. This is not happening. Yeah, she found out he's done something terrible, or whatever they had. Always, not always, in my experience, found out she did something terrible. She did something where they found out they weren't compatible. They weren't compatible. It's not usual thing. It's always a mutual thing. It's a mutual wonder. Yeah. So they've decided to break up. And so we've got to start with the venue because they know, venue, and photographer, because those are the ones who most likely had been booked first. So we start with those, we look at the contracts, and we go to that person. And we're like, Hey, here's the scenario, the wedding is not happening. It's not ever happening. What's our recourse? Do you know is there most likely there's not going to be a refund, but up until this point, what money's been paid what money is, is due, right? Even if the wedding doesn't go forward. I mean, I've had experiences where couples, there's literally no more money like they I've had people get into financial situations, and there's literally we don't have the money to pay for this because your job loss or because of the, you know, different situations, what we paid in is all we have, there is nothing else to give to anyone and you know, we have to look at, okay, what's our What's our course of action with this? Most vendors, if they're able, they have a heart, and they're going to do what they can to help a couple, right? We just know that regardless of what their contract says. You have to understand when signing that contract that the law is on the side of the person who wrote the contract they want, you know that there's a contract in place for a reason, but know that your vendors typically I mean, they have a heart they want to help you. They're human beings. Also, I am not an attorney, and I'm not giving guidance, guidance here. I'm just giving my experience in my personal opinion, and then to reach out to every vendor and let them know hey, this isn't happening. Here's why. What's our recourse? Like, where do we go from here? And then we've got to get we got to let the guests know. Because sometimes the truth have gone out. The invitations have not gone out, or just play a prank on him and see who shows up. Throw the party here for a wedding. What's going on? They broke up two months ago. That is terrible. You didn't hear the news? Right? So we have had the worst punk ever the worst episode ever. But we did you bring your present? Yes, we would like you to still leave that presently that. So um, but anyway, you know, having to create some type of method and to get information out to people to let them know that this is not happening. I follow Emily post pretty strictly when that happens. I refer to my etiquette book and I worded exactly as it should be. And we send a little card. And you know, we also supposed to return the gifts. As much as you joke about those gifts. When the wedding is off the gifts get back and say you know what i don't i don't know that Roy and Pam returned the gifts. I don't know that they had them. I don't think Pam hired a planner. I don't think Stanley got his he didn't get it back. Big office fan here big I know. I got to reference as soon as. So you know, that's the hard part though is that, you know, making sure that making sure that there's not any more financial repercussion than is absolutely necessary. Again, these vendors have held that date those vendors have held it on good faith knowing that this event is going to take place and it's not fair for them to have to necessarily eat that. But again, a lot of them are willing to work with you. When it's so close, like if you're less than a month out, right? It's hard for that venue to book something. It's our DJ hard for us to book something, try No, that's to cover that. That's right. So knowing that your vendors have budgeted for your event. So they've got three events in the month or whatever they know, they've budgeted for what they know they have to bring in, in order to make payroll in order to keep the doors open in order to whatever that is, you know, we've got to that's something you've got to keep in mind as horrible as our situation is unfortunately some of these people that's the difference in putting food on the table and paying the light bill right unfortunately really comes down to that and when we're in a position like that, especially if it comes down to something so close to the wire a lot of times they'll offer instead of money back or instead of a you know no more money do they might say that that event could transfer to someone else it could be something that you know maybe you have a credit rather a store credit or store manager yeah for certain amount of time and I've had I mean I've had that situation I had a bride last year who was ill not able to have the ceremony and they ended up with X number of dollars in catering and so they I think they had their holiday Christmas party, you know, with that, I mean, so I think you've got to sometimes be creative in those circumstances. Yeah, as a vendor, but also as a client you got to think how can how can we make the best of not so great situation. So that's if you break up Yeah, right now if Something happens like Coronavirus, or just just jabbing in the dark or just in general, like if you get ill and have to postpone or you know something in your life happens where you have to postpone, how do you unplanned your wedding and move everything. It's so difficult. I mean, it's difficult, but it's also very cold. If you don't have a wedding planner, it's very difficult. Because I will say most planners have a hotline to your vendors, they've either recommended these people or they've already made contact with them and sort of developed a relationship, even if it's someone you wanted to work with the planner doesn't necessarily know or work with, they've already established some rapport with that person. So you know, you start, same thing you start with your venue, and your photographer for looking at rescheduling. Those are the two now others would probably disagree with this. But typically the venue and the photographer are the ones who are not going to be able to accommodate any new date. Most cake baker's can probably work with most schedules, a company like you that has multiple DJs can probably work within you know, different schedules, right. I'm not that's not a blanket statement. I know that there are situations where it becomes difficult, you know, certain bakery is going to be closed at this time or certain dates I you know, to the couples who had to reschedule, right, we can't do this date this date to this date, because we're all booked up right? Typically though your once you aren't going to be able to have much flexibility are going to be your venue and your and your photographer. So we start with those two, what are your available dates, where could we possibly move this to and keep as much of the integrity of the vendor team that we've built in tact. Because already, it's already kind of magic to create this first vendor team, let alone to try to replicate that exact same vendor team six months or a year down the road. It just doesn't always work that way. We try really hard to but sometimes I'm sorry, the cellos just isn't available. He's got something he's got, he's already got on, there's only one of him, there's only one of him. And so you have to use that information to kind of put the puzzle back together, you know, put all the pieces back into place. Okay, we know this can work on this date, this can work on this date, it leaves this guy out over here, and we're not gonna be able to use him. But if he's the only one we can't use, then I think we've got to go over here and cut our losses, you know, whether that means we still owe him $500 for his time, because he did you know, whatever that means. The tricky thing we're getting into with this situation is those that are having to push into 2021. Right, you know, venues only have certain dates available. And I've used I've used this really rough math that say there's say there's 10 venues in Northwest Arkansas, there's far more than that. We know there's over 100 are there really? Yeah, I didn't even know. say there's 10 Yeah, okay, and say that those 10 venues were booked just on Saturdays for all of April and May. And that's all we're gonna post Penn for right now. So that's as of right now. That's 80 weddings that are displaced into the rest of the year only at weddings. Okay, and those at weddings are trying to plug in to the remaining Saturdays and we're you know, we're best case scenario nine months out from booking something at the end of the year. Worst case scenario three to four months out from booking prime dates. So very few venues are going to have many dates left the prime Saturdays let me say it like that. There's more Friday's available and there's more Sundays available. But that means you're going to have to maybe be creative and think about well what I rather do a brunch wedding on a Sunday because people aren't going to want to come party on a Sunday night typically like then you can't have the same type of event a Friday night could be fun. I've had this conversation with one of my brides who's considering moving right now moving her date we talked about well, maybe if there's a Friday availability before Razorback game, maybe it's kind of fun to have a pre party before people come into town for the Razorback game, you know, maybe that's Yeah, so we're having to be creative in how we reschedule but also have to keep in mind that as I started to say, these venues, especially in other vendors have budgeted themselves this year, or these events, right. And now to have to move that and and cut their revenues in half, essentially, they're not going to make money in 2021 because this event has maybe postponed into 2021 that's it's scary for some of them. So yeah, that's a big struggle. It's a real big struggle, especially with the venue owners. It is it is and I understand it's a business, they've got to protect this because they've got to turn the lights on, they've got it, they've got to pay the bills to be able to keep the doors open for the rest of the weddings. And so I completely mean and some of them have even said you know, they're they're in a situation where if they don't have these weddings, then they are insincere jeopardy of being able to stay open, which is awful. It's terrible because some of these venues are staples and some of the best venues in Northwest Arkansas. They are they are so that's a big struggle right now. And so my advice there is to be as flexible as you can if you're having to move dates. Nobody wants to have a wedding on a Tuesday, believe me, but know that have you ever done a wedding on a Tuesday? I have not. I have have you. Yes. Crap place. Okay. And the wedding was for Peyton Hillis Really? Yes. I got married on a Tuesday because he had to be back at football practice on Wednesday. Okay, fair enough. And Tuesday was their only off day. Okay, maybe I've done it on Tuesday when was New Year's Eve. Our trial. That's different. Okay, this was just a random Tuesday right and i think the wedding lasted three or four hours ceremony they danced and then they jumped on a plane and went is when he was still playing football. Okay went to Cleveland and I bet it was cool it was kind of they still celebrated they still enjoyed it it's you know not ideal probably karaoke Careless Whisper by George Michaels. So that was that was pretty incredible happy memory right there. Okay. freakin Peyton Hillis likes Careless Whisper. Heck, Yes, he does. I love that. So, you know, I, I don't know, it's everybody's in a tough situation right now. That's the truth. That is the basis of this whole thing is that everybody's in a tough situation and trying to figure out the best course of action, we all want to take care of our current clients. Without a doubt, that's our number one goal is to take care of those current clients. But we also have to keep in mind the future, and to be able to service other clients for the future. And so that's why I say this all the time. But my heart goes out to everybody dealing with this and every different aspect, because it's not easy in any way, shape, or form. And some of these venues are having to make really tough decisions regarding how they're going to handle a situation with a client, because they don't have any other options. They can't refund their money, they can't go back. And you know, they can't move the date. Yeah, two years down the road. I mean, they just don't have that option. And that becomes a really hard conversation between myself and the client and myself and the venue. And I'm not just speaking to venues I'm speaking vendor. Yes, that's where it starts. If the venue is not available, then you have to exactly figure something out. So having had these really hard conversations that are just like, I understand where you're coming from, and I understand where you're coming from, and we just have to find a way to try to meet in the middle somehow. And I've said this a few times. But if everybody gives a little bit, and I think people are people are giving as much as they possibly can. But if everybody gives a little bit, we can all kind of get through this. For the most part that's been working. Yeah, I feel like people are there. They're just doing all they can. So what kind of advice would you give to vendors in this time, just in general, and then we'll get to what? And then we'll get to what kind of advice you would give to people who are planning their wedding or had already planned their wedding and are trying to figure this out? Oh, gosh, I mean, and I don't think I'm saying anything that every other vendors already thought but try to remember that you were in this person's position once to write or maybe if you haven't been that you might one day be in their position. And they're not making this choice any more than anyone else's. Like they're not choosing to move their wedding. They don't want to move it any more than we want to move it. It's it's messing up everybody's plan. No, right. Um, you know, my summer vacation trip is canceled. I'm like, every everything is just completely falling apart. We're not gonna be traveling where we thought we were going to be for the summer and everyone's at the end of the street. I am instead of just staying in New York, I'm not even going to the neighborhood pool. Because, you know, we're all scared. But yeah, so everybody, everybody's struggling. Remember that those clients, I mean, they're hurting the worst right now emotionally. Granted, some of these vendors have pockets or pocketbooks are hurting. I get that too, for sure. Because people are facing layoffs people are facing How do I pay my bills? Yes, people who are planning their weddings are some of them are gonna be financially strapped now. Yeah, they are, might not be able to afford what they normally thought then I was talking to a bride the other day, and she literally her fiance had been laid off that very day. I mean, she's like, not worried about it, he's going to go, we're gonna he's gonna go be a stalker at Costco for $30 an hour, and it's gonna be fine. And it's gonna be his bridge job until everything comes, it'll be fine. But I mean, she was handling it really well, it was through your browser. But that's a tough, that's a tough conversation for anybody. And so just my advice to other vendors, and I've had to try to keep this at the forefront of my mind is remember that you are in that position once to you are this hopeful young couple, who are maybe not maybe not maybe some people, it could be older people getting married, or whatever. But remember that remember that everybody is in need at some point, and everybody needs a little bit of grace? Well, right now, it's the only way we get through any of this is helping each other. That's exactly right, and moving the ball forward, and, you know, doing it together. That's right. And that's how small businesses like we have, will be able to survive in in this climate. And I don't envy the hard conversations that some of the people are having to have with each other. I'm doing my best to be an advocate for both sides, like Well, here's your side. And here's your side, and I'm gonna let you all talk about it. And I'm trying to give the information and then just sort of let that let the narrative kind of create itself and let them have the conversation. Well, one of my clients messaged me the other day and said, you know, we ended up just getting married, we had to do what we had to do. So we got married, but we still want to have a party. Right? But obviously, we can't have that party right now. So we'll get back to you when we can have this party. I think that's a great attitude. I've had a couple of different couples think about doing that. Yeah, ultimately changed their mind. One in particular, she's like, you know what, I've waited 20 years, 30 years for this. If I'm going to do it, I want to do it on my terms and I want to do it the way I want Want to do it? I don't want to just pick a date November just because it's available. I want to have my wedding that I wanted. I was like fairness, NC, I'm with you on that. And okay, that's fair enough. So we're going to hold off moving her date until we know for sure we can't have it. And then at that point, we're going to say, Alright, new date. And in that situation, you know, I got a respecter, I've gotta respect her tenacity. And her, she said, I'm not going down without a fight. Like I and I love it. Because she's got it, she's at least able to kind of laugh at the situation, it stinks. It's terrible. She's at least able to be like, you know, I'm gonna make the best of it. And I, you know, why would I just give up all the things that I wanted, just to kind of squeeze it in and make it happen? Because this is the time that's available for somebody else. I'm just gonna wait, I'll wait. If I need to wait another year. I'll wait another year. So I did respect that conversation. So So what would you tell couples just to be positive? It's I mean, we're all in this together. We're all in this together song I and there literally is nothing you can do. there literally is nothing we can do about it. And if they continue to tighten the restrictions, or even if we're a backup in business by April, what does that look like? Safety wise for everybody else for some of your guests lists? So to couples? I would say yeah, be positive, do the best you can with what you've got. If that means Yeah, I want to postpone because you're because you're very adamant about the type of wedding that you want to have know that if you are inflexible in your date, or something like that, know that you may end up having to push back further. And that's say positive be flexible would be my advice to couples having to deal with this. Stay positive. Yeah, I've tried so hard, even just on my social media to keep happy out there. You know, just to post pretty like keep things going and a happy people. I don't want to look at any more negative maps about No, I mean, that doesn't do anybody any No, no, I was it's good to be informed. Yes. But I want to look at the dresses, I want to look at pretty flowers. I wanna look at happy people and puppies, right? And things that are going to make us smile. And, you know, yes, I want the news. I want I want the accurate information. But I think I'm trying so hard to stay positive and keep people's endgame here at heart. You know, what they're ultimately wanting to do, because we will be back and we will be stronger and better than happy to host the best parties. I mean, have the biggest wedding. Think about the party that we're gonna have that when we're all clear of this. I mean, it's going to be so many high fives and fist bumps. Everyone's drinking coronas all around the liquor. No one will buy right now, right? Yeah, cuz you don't, even though it won't cause Corona. It's a negative association. My heart goes out to the makers of Corona. What an unfortunate name. I mean, yeah, breaks my heart though. Cuz I'm like, man, those people are like, they've got to be hurting right now. So just be positive. Side note, you know that Tito's vodka is making his Sennheiser? Yeah. Have you seen this? I did. Love this. I think it's the greatest thing ever. I need to post about this. I meant to do that the other day. But yes, I mean, at Fox trail distillery did the same thing as we did not know that. Yeah, they were making both hand sanitizer and disinfecting spray and giving it out for free. I did not know that. I love the local in that. That's very cool. Yeah, I did not know that. That was even a thing. And I'm like, way to make lemons lemonade out of lemons. I mean, really, like I do spit shine, not on my hands together. And that is why I worked as a kid. That is why we are far apart in this room. Well, I told you when I walked to work as a kid. So through this all I think the biggest takeaway is should you hire a wedding planner or not? Either? Yes. Even in situations such as this? Yes, yes. Yeah. What we say even in situations not such as this not as you know, when we're not facing a global pandemic, it's still a very wise investment. I mean, because these people myself, my team, my quote, unquote, competition, people who I have bought with even over this people who, you know, we've been texting each other constantly, like, What's going on with you? What's going on, you know, trying to stay on top of what everybody else is doing. Those people are your front line, your line of defense, they're your they're your connection to not having to speak to all these vendors yourself. Like they're the ones who are saying, okay, what's our course of action? What are we going to do? What What's next? What How can we how can we make the best of this situation for this couple and can advocate for you to an extent I mean, you obviously you know, you you got to be involved in this as well. But that planner can can be your first communication. So yes, yes, yes. Yes, enter. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes. Always. All right. We're gonna do a segment with all of our guests. And so let's start with just you and I there is called wedding opinions. Yes. So we got some questions, and we'll do this, which with every guest that we have on the show camp, but the first one bouquet and garter toss. I'll go with mine. Okay. No, this is a trend that needs to just go away. I hate it. And I'm the one that has to host it agreed. People think of yourself as a single woman. In a single guy at a wedding being called down out Yeah, guys hate it just because they do girls some girls get excited about it. Yeah, but it's just it's a trend that just needs to die. I don't disagree with that statement at all. I some people when they feel very adamant that they need to do it or they like, okay, we can do that. Are you sure? Yeah. Like I don't like the stick in the head under the dress. No, no, like her grandmother's sitting over there that is so painfully embarrassing like No, I mean, her parents are I just don't I don't enjoy that. Some people think it's they love it. I think it's wonderful. Not my favorite. Not the bouquet. I can I can do more than the garter. Honestly, it makes a lot easier it is. I've had some girls toss it out of the car. I think that's fun. I throw it out of the car. It feels very movie moment. You know, have you ever had the person that comfortable? Okay. And the garter the guy has to put the garter on that girl. That's a thing. I've never had that. Apparently, it's the thing on the east coast. Oh, because I worked a huge wedding. And the wedding planner was from it was from Baltimore. And she's like, All right, now we're gonna have the person who caught the garter put it on the girl I go, No, we're not doing now. She goes, No, it's a tradition that the bride and groom want to do. And I go, I don't think they know each other. And they're both with other people. Like they had dates. So that's weird. super weird. I said, we're not gonna do it. But let me go ask just to be 100%. So when asked the girl do you care if that guy and she's like, no, our past? I go. That's why I thought that's a weird tradition. Definitely not doing Yeah, I'm seeing fewer and fewer people hold on to that. I really am. So I'm good with that kids at a wedding? Depends. Depends. So I've had a lot of couples in the last year, I'm gonna have a long answer for everything. Okay. And I've had a lot of couples in the last year or two listed as an adult only affair on the invitation because they don't want kids there. And one even addressed it in her in her website recently. I love how she did this kind of did some FAQ is on her little wedding website. And one of the questions was, do you are kids allowed? And she was like, if your kids invited? Yes. If not take this as a night off. Yeah, to come and enjoy yours. Exactly. You know, unless we've specifically invited your child because we have a special relationship with that child. Don't bring them don't bring them. No, get a babysitter. Enjoy yourselves. We want you to come and have fun with us. And as a parent, why would you want to take your kid to a wedding? And like I at my wedding when I was married? We had two kids there. They were the flower girls, right? But I didn't want people bringing their babies. So we're doing our vows and you hear a baby crying, right? I didn't want that. I agree. And then as a DJ being, trying to get a party going and the kids dancing on the dance floor. They're rolling around in them. Yeah. And adults just stand and watch and don't dance. Yeah, I hate it. It's a different type of state. I know. I know. Some people are very adamant. And they do. They've got a large extended family and I understand that but I always it's, that's a that's a polarizing thing, too. That's for sure. Something that people either feel very strongly about. I do not want kids there. I'm just not a fan. I'm, I'm on the fence because I but I feel like my job is to kind of be on the fence with a lot of stuff, too. You know, I can so what about this one? Yes. bringing gifts to reception? I don't know that. I have an opinion on this. I have an opinion on it. Because the couple see this is on my end of it. Yeah, I don't have to deal with it. We got to deal with it. At the end of the night. We've got a stack of presence. First of all, we've got a stack of presence that's been sitting there inviting anyone who walks by to help themselves, right cash gift cards, whatever. Easy, easy cash or your card and put it on somebody else's gift or better. Yeah, guess what? dillards bed bathroom, they will ship to the person's home. They shipped it, which is nice. That's what you're supposed to do. And I really I mean, maybe or maybe people don't know that. I'd maybe not do that in your in on the online. Maybe they will ship this for you like the RSVP. Please don't bring gifts. Please don't bring ship to this address. They should. Yeah. And I think people should know that. But I mean, and I think still people still do it. Then I think at the end of the night, we're packing up we're literally shoving all this stuff into the parents car and 27 gift cards have been shoved into the same gift bag with three bottles of wine. It just seems to me that it's it's a little more trouble than it's worth sometimes. So it's an antiquated thing. It is a little like booking garden just I mean, I probably everything is online now. I prefer it. Yeah, send those gifts. Let them enjoy it at the house. They don't need they're not going to even know that you brought it to the room anyway, send it to the house so it doesn't get messed up all that pretty rapping open mic toasting. Oh, negative, right. Oh, save it for the rehearsal dinner. Yeah, yeah, you get one or two people to toast. No at a time. Yes. Agreed. And then you don't say all right, anybody else? because inevitably, you get that person that you're not even that close to or that tells the worst stories are like, oh my god or last forever? Yes. Like we're done in an hour. And we're still talking. Yeah, yes. Okay, let's move along here. I'm so with you on that. And I think a lot of couples when they really start to think about it, they're like, Oh, yeah, I don't want that either. So they you know, their focus is they want to party and and have a good time and dance with their friends. They don't want to sit around and listen to toast rocks for hours. So yeah, first look, I'm all about it. I'm all about it in your definition of a first look. I'm sorry. First look prior to ceremony. The couple will see each other So he gets to see her for the first time and the dress instead of seeing her at the end of the aisle.
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